lost sheep found

When everything falls apart

Tonight was arguably the longest drive back home from the hospital.  After a sarcastically tense and somewhat stressful meeting with my bosses, I finally came to the realization that it was all ending.  All of it.  

“Just to be clear, you’re going to be leaving Leadership & the internship.  Is that correct.”

“Yes.”

“This Thursday’s Executive Team meeting will be your last.”

Just like that, it all came to an end— a realization that I could not take back my hasty words of resignation.  

The rain buzzed against the foggy windshield as I glanced at my non-existent side-view mirror.  Sigh.  My eyes, expecting to see a murky reflection of headlights behind me, only saw the dark void and raggedy edges of what was left of it.  

It’s funny, you know, the way children cry— the characteristic broken wailing sung out in a staccato that can be mistaken for laughter unless one turn’s his eyes to notice the salty tears coming down this child’s face.  That was me yesterday.  

Suddenly the lyrics from Pandora gained clarity in my consciousness, “When everything falls apart you’re the only hope for this heart”.  Shame.  What am I living for?  

1,500 hours?  Think about eternity.  My title?  Honestly, a source of pride.  Security?  There are no guarantees.  There is only one assurance in the Truth, Jesus, who leads us in a straight path and gives new life.  

God delights in His creation.  He is jealous for our hearts.  Just as nothing we do can ever lessen His love for us, nothing we do can ever increase His love for us, for this love is infinite and never to be surpassed.  

So if I ever find myself regretting the fact that the past two years have culminated to nothing but ‘failure’, ask me what I’m living for.  

  1. allykliu said: <3 <3 <3 let’s meet up again soon dear.
  2. soomin said: Marina… <3 !!! so proud of you.
  3. lostsheepfound posted this